I know.

How is it? Well, It's hard but I am surviving. Eating healthy is really tough but I know I can do this. Of course there are some times when I go to the supermarket and then all I can see are unhealthy foods. All i can see is chocolates. EVERYWHERE. Ok, I know a chocolate bar is not that bad if you look after how much you eat. But usually for me, I can eat 2 bars of chocolate a day. That's how I love chocolates. And which is not weird why I am having hard time avoiding them right now.

I need some help! To surive this obstacle. I need this. Cause I want to feel healthy.

DECIDED!

Now is the time.. Since the year 2013 is almost done. I decided that I will have a lifestyle change. And I am dang serious this time! I need this! I need to do this! I can't be like this for the rest of my life. I need to change cause I want to live healthy! I want to be better! 

So here is the plan. 

1. I will be cleaning up my room and I will throw all of the things that are not good for me. For example, maybe I can find some chocolates that are stack up in case I am craving something sweet. I will also be throwing some drinks.

2. I need to do a healthy meal everyday! This can be hard because I am living with my family who will be eating normal foods. But I will not give up. I will do this. Maybe I can also convince them to get in a healthy lifestyle. Who knows?

3. I will be doing some motion everyday! It doesn't matter whether it's freezing cold outside or hot. There are always some sort of alternatives. Like for example when it's freazong outside, You can always do some excersice inside. I will go to the gym! I will do pilates!

In New Year's Eve I will be partying my ass off. And then at the end I will be developing to a better human being. I need to be strong. I know I can do this, I just need to believe in myself. I know this will really be hard, Like really hard but this is for me. This will be for my benefit. I am doing this for me, just for myself.

And that is my New Year's Resolution. The first resolution that I will make sure I will make it happen. 

Evolving to a new, better human being.

Is this help??

Some Life hacks ;)

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/100-life-hacks-that-make-life-easier.html

I've tired the Baking soda while boiling the eggs.. And I can say that it does really work..

Expanding my knowledge

Mundane;

1: of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2: characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary 

Sacrifice

To Love is to destroy. And to be the one that's loved, is to be one that's destroyed.

Resolutions..

Every year there are a lot of resolution list being made. But how many are being followed, How many list have broke.. I, myself, already have some resolutions, I am tellling myself that I really need to follow my list because I need to develop. I can't be like this for the rest of my life. There are just some things that are really hard to change specially when you've been on that stage for the longest time.

You have to develop, You have to grow as a person. I believe in you.

gotta be good again...

Is it just the time goes to fast or it's me who is really slow? Does time really can be fast? Lately, I've been spending too much time in the Internet.. I have this addiction right now in the social media. Ok, I had it long ago but not this serious. I mean like I can spend hours in my laptop. I watch some series, I watch some in YouTube. After I get tired with my laptop I will transfer to my phone.. There comes the Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr. And then I will end up again in my laptop.. Like now.

I don't have time now to read some books like I usually do.. I guess it's also because I am working now. My time is mainly working and then some time to rest then the next morning I will be working again..

I really want to go back to my old rutine. Check my Facebook, my mail, watch a little on YouTube. And then look if there is something new in Instagram and Twitter. Then when I am in bed already I will be reading a good book, so I can get some good sleep.

But change is good right? There are just cases that you need some change in your life. I mean I can't have the same rutine for the rest of my life. That will be really boring.

Internet is not that bad actually.. I learned so much.. Some tricks ;) I will tell you more later..

What wait??? Is it really not that bad or I am just making an excuse for myself..

When were you when I needed you.

Words, where are you now when I needed you. This morning I had something in my mind that I really wanted to write about and to share it to you. But I have to work and plus I was late so i haven't got the time to write it down in a piece of papper. So right now I sat here for almost an hour, No words came and that thing in my mind just flew away and decided not to come back.

Blank. Period. Milkyway. Galaxy. Black hole.

Kindness..

The time of the year when our selfishness disappears. Everyone spends their time buying stuffs, spending a lot, and even hanging around at a crowded mall just to make someone happy. It's that time of the year when wishes usually come true. It's a loving holiday, Christmas. 

Last week, I went to the mall. And there was this Grandma, She is having a hard time buying some things because it was too crowded for her but she still struggles to complete the wishlist she was holding. I can tell the list was long. She stood beside me, she was so confused with all the mascaras in front of her. She was looking for a "Max Factor False Lash Effect Mascara" so the salesperson showed her where it is. Without hesitation (I mean without looking at the prize) she took it and marked the list with a check marked. 

"This year I am my Grandchild's Santa Claus"

Everything is going well.

Christmas is coming. But I honestly is still not in the christmassy feeling. I already bought some presents for my family and friends, I've redecorated my room, in a much more festive set but still not a glimpse of christmassy spark. Well maybe while I was fixing my room but after that hour it vanished into the thin air. Maybe it's because all I've done this week is to work. And it's my reason also by not posting for the past 5 days. I've been working so hard. I've been busy for the past 5 conseccutive days. Tomorrow is my last day of working for 5 days and then I will be having my 5 days break and then next week I will be working again for 5 days (whole day). Plus I will also be working in 24th of December. But it's not a biggy cause I will still be celebrating Christmas at home. Maybe you thought I am crazy by accepting that day to work. But I was just so curious how do they celebrate Christmas in a retirement house. Will their families get them so they can celebrate the holidays together? or they will just visit them in the morning to give presents?

I also wanted to celebrate my Christmas with them. I feel like they are already a part of my life, like my half family. Actually I am thinking of buying them some gifts but I don't know what to give them. I better think fast cause I just have five days of free time before I get busy again.

There are so many things to do. I am working. I am studying at the same time. Yes, I am studying. What I meant by that is that I am currently reading some stuffs to get my "Medicine License" and my "Driving License". So there are so many things to learn but there are just little time after work. I basically lay on my bed at the moment I always come home. And then I am out. But this day I got the chance to end pretty early!  But tomorrow is another day.

Oh better get going. I need to study :D

Learning to be.

I've always been the one who wants to talk.. I want to be the one who catch all the attention among my friends.. Yeah, sometimes that's me. I am not saying that I'm like that all the time. Or maybe my friends doesn't even notice me being so self-centered. Or maybe they just don't think I am that kind of person. Sometimes I just can hear myself taking to much. Talking about the most random things and not giving chance for my friend to talk about his/her opinion or story. "Friendly Conversations" are the one I mean. Or just a simple conversation with someone I am close with. That part of me usually comes out when we are only two talking with each other. I end up talking all day about myself, opening too much and not knowing anything about the person I am having conversation with. So bad.

I'm learning. Believe me. But this is hard. It's hard for me stop myself from talking too much. I started practicing being a listener not the talker. It's just hard to not to interupt them. In such a short time I learned so much, by just listening to people voices, listen to their opinions. It made a really big difference about how I look at them. Not in a bad way but instead in a good way. I learned who they are, as a person, as a friend, as a sister/brother, as a daugther/son, and even as a mother/father. I know listening to others opinions might be irritating specially when you have the opposite sight of it. You can't blame them, You can't blame anyone actually. You might meet a person who you think is close-minded, you can't just hate them by that. Experiences is the key. All of us had different experiences and has different point of view in this world. All you have to do is accept it. To respect others and learn from them instead of dissing.

Learn how to listen to others.

It's my daddy.

I just believe that it's my daddy. My biological father have past away long ago. He passed away when I was just still a baby, 2 years old. When I was still young, I always believed that my daddy was a butterfly. Honestly until now, I still believe that he is a buttefly. I don't knew why but i just believe that he is a butterfly. I grew up with my mom's cousin who just taught me that my daddy is a butterfly. Maybe she taught me that because she just don't want me to miss my dad or just to not forget about him. Which really worked.

I always believe that he is just beside me watching and guiding over me. When I feel like sinking in a very dark place because of my problems. I just talked to my daddy. You might find this really weird but he helped me a lot. In some way after talking with him, I can think clearly and gives me courage to keep going to make him proud of me. Proud of what I can do because of him. It's not that he answers me back when I talk to him. But just imagining that he is in front of me, imagining his face, remembering some of my memories with him can keep me from sinking.

At first I was thinking of having a butterfly tattoo since I believe that it's my daddy but an anchor is more appropriate because he is a seaman and he do what anchors do to a ship. It keeps it stable and grounded. He helps me to hold on no matter how hard an obstacle can be. To be strong and not to give up.

Don't be afraid.

This year had change me a alot, change me in different ways. In both good and bad ways. For the longest time, I've been that girl that never dreamt about something big. I was so scared to fail and always thought of that there are just things that impossible for me to do. It seems that IMPOSSIBLE was one of my most used words in the past.

To travel alone. I was so scared of traveling alone cause I am just afraid that I will get loss and will never be found. So childish huh?. Well that was me but i got the will to just leave that old me behind me. Last year, I flew in the Philippines alone which took a day and a half to get there. I was so nervous in the beginning but I survived and even enjoyed it. My main explanation is it just made me feel so free. I don't need to worry about anything else but just myself. ONLY ME MATTER!.

And then this year I got the chance to fly to Turkey for a week! Another barricade I knock over. I never thought of flying to another country other than ofcourse my homeland and Sweden. It was too impossible for me. I am very thnakful that I am surrounded with such positive people that gave me some courage to believe that I can do it. I even had some really horrible experiences before flying to Turkey. To cut the long story short, I had such hard time getting my visa to travel. In the end I got to travel because I believed.

After the obstacles I've passed, I bought a bracelet just to remind me of that day. To remind me that I can make things happen if I will just believe in myself. Unfortunately, I lost it while I was passing the security in the airport. And that was the time I decided that I really want to get a tattoo.

Don't be afraid to fly high. Dream big and just believe in yourself.

Talented.

Spirit of Chirstmas.

My first. My story.

I made an achievement. I got inked yesterday. And yes, I am counting it as an achievement cause basically I just achieve something I never thought I will. Why not? First of all, I never imagine myself being inked and having it inked in my skin for the rest of my life. I kinda regret on things so easily, so getting a tattoo was not even one of the things I wanted to do. Secondly, the pain. I am assuming that almost all of us have watched atleast once, some hilarious people reacting while getting inked. I always had those videos in my mind. I don't want to be sitting in there and then backing off in the middle of it cause I can't bare the pain. I thought that it's just too much for me. But I always respect those who really dares to get a tattoo. It's a whole life commitment. And let's face it tattoos are beautiful and even cool looking specially when the mean something really meaningfull for that person. It just made it much more cooler and special.

I got two tattoos. On my right and left inner wrist. Many might not like it or even hate it. Many might look it's stupid, ugly and meaningless.  But I don't care cause I am proud of them. Proud of myself. They are so important to me. And I don't regret anything. I don't regret the pain I felt. I don't regret the money I spent to have them. And most importantly I don't regret that it will be inked in my skin maybe for the rest of my life. I am proud of every inch of my tattoo.

 Stories behind them will be on the next post. 

Enough.

Understand your worth. Value your life. Appreciate your blessings.

Don't lose it.

You are my sunshine..

Let's stop this together.

http://jacksgap.com/melissa-bachman-hunter-backlash/

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-government-of-the-republic-of-south-africa-deny-future-entry-to-melissa-bachman

Make a difference.

Can you please just stop!!

Ok!! here is the deal. When you drink too much ( I mean alcoholic beverages) don't expect to be so lively like you were before you drunk so much. There is this word called HANGOVER. And that is what you will be facing first thing in the morning. There are some who don't get hangover the day after. Wonder why? Well the answer is so easy either they just don't get hangover or they do some tricks/methods/preparations to just don't get hangover afterwards. WATER! yes water can prevent hangover. Drink water before drinking alcohol, you can also drink water along with alcohol beverages and even before going to bed. I know it's kinda hard to keep track of drinking water but trust me it really helps.

Why am I talking about this?? I sat with this guy this morning and all he talked about is that he wasn't available last monday. His reason.. CAUSE I HAVE HANGOVER! Well it's your responsibility. You are a grown up man! So stop whinning that you got a severe headache the day after. Don't complain cause it's your own fault. If you don't want to feel like S*** afterwatds well don't drink then! You a big man now you must know your actions. And can you please stop blaming one of your friends/ drinking mates. "OHH it's not my fault cause my friends don't want me to go home so I was force to stay and drink a little more" COME ON! like really??? that's your reason?? sorry to say this but that's so childish of you.. Did your friends tied you up so that you can't go?? I guess not. As I said Your actions, Your choice, Your responsiblity.

Or just stop whinning about it.. Cause all I hear is you telling in details how you threw up and how you felt the day after. Act like a man! It's your actions.

OHH don't get me wrong here  now.. There is no wrong with drinking a lot and having fun. What I mean is stop whinning the day after. That's all...

Nothing is wrong with that..

Accepting some compliments can be overwhelming... Don't worry i get it. I do get overwhelmed too. Specially when you don't often receive compliments by the same people. You might feel that you don't deserve such compliments.. But trust me you deserve it cause that person will not say such beautiful words to you if they don't mean it. Saying compliments are not easy than it may sounds. Beleive it or nor but there are some who feels uncomfortable saying those words. It's not that they don't mean it but it's maybe more of like having hard time expressing it/saying it. It may take some courage to say it out loud. Trust me it does. To be honest I am one those who sometimes have hard time to say compliments. My explanation.. hmm well sometimes it's just too uncomfortable saying it out loud specially in front of that person, face to face.

I am that person who is afraid to gives out some compliments. Firstly, I don't know who to react afterwards. I just can't act normally. I feel so shy after. I don't know why. Secondly, I am afraid of giving compliments then receiving compliments too from that person. I just don't kow how to react when someone do that to you. Of course you will say thank you then what?? Will you just change the subject just to get that awkwardness in the air??

I am also that person who sometimes feels that I don't deserve such a beautiful compliments. Why? hmm. I just don't see/feel that I am that kind of person who have such qualities under my skin. But i guess sometimes we need to feel that someone appreciates us. And can see who truly the good side of us. You deserve a little bit of positivesness in your life my friend. So accept it. Feel good about yourself and remember not to put yourself to low from the others. You are unique in your own way. There is only one YOU in this world.