DECIDED!

Now is the time.. Since the year 2013 is almost done. I decided that I will have a lifestyle change. And I am dang serious this time! I need this! I need to do this! I can't be like this for the rest of my life. I need to change cause I want to live healthy! I want to be better! 

So here is the plan. 

1. I will be cleaning up my room and I will throw all of the things that are not good for me. For example, maybe I can find some chocolates that are stack up in case I am craving something sweet. I will also be throwing some drinks.

2. I need to do a healthy meal everyday! This can be hard because I am living with my family who will be eating normal foods. But I will not give up. I will do this. Maybe I can also convince them to get in a healthy lifestyle. Who knows?

3. I will be doing some motion everyday! It doesn't matter whether it's freezing cold outside or hot. There are always some sort of alternatives. Like for example when it's freazong outside, You can always do some excersice inside. I will go to the gym! I will do pilates!

In New Year's Eve I will be partying my ass off. And then at the end I will be developing to a better human being. I need to be strong. I know I can do this, I just need to believe in myself. I know this will really be hard, Like really hard but this is for me. This will be for my benefit. I am doing this for me, just for myself.

And that is my New Year's Resolution. The first resolution that I will make sure I will make it happen. 

Evolving to a new, better human being.

Is this help??

Some Life hacks ;)

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/100-life-hacks-that-make-life-easier.html

I've tired the Baking soda while boiling the eggs.. And I can say that it does really work..

Expanding my knowledge

Mundane;

1: of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2: characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary 

Sacrifice

To Love is to destroy. And to be the one that's loved, is to be one that's destroyed.

Resolutions..

Every year there are a lot of resolution list being made. But how many are being followed, How many list have broke.. I, myself, already have some resolutions, I am tellling myself that I really need to follow my list because I need to develop. I can't be like this for the rest of my life. There are just some things that are really hard to change specially when you've been on that stage for the longest time.

You have to develop, You have to grow as a person. I believe in you.

gotta be good again...

Is it just the time goes to fast or it's me who is really slow? Does time really can be fast? Lately, I've been spending too much time in the Internet.. I have this addiction right now in the social media. Ok, I had it long ago but not this serious. I mean like I can spend hours in my laptop. I watch some series, I watch some in YouTube. After I get tired with my laptop I will transfer to my phone.. There comes the Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr. And then I will end up again in my laptop.. Like now.

I don't have time now to read some books like I usually do.. I guess it's also because I am working now. My time is mainly working and then some time to rest then the next morning I will be working again..

I really want to go back to my old rutine. Check my Facebook, my mail, watch a little on YouTube. And then look if there is something new in Instagram and Twitter. Then when I am in bed already I will be reading a good book, so I can get some good sleep.

But change is good right? There are just cases that you need some change in your life. I mean I can't have the same rutine for the rest of my life. That will be really boring.

Internet is not that bad actually.. I learned so much.. Some tricks ;) I will tell you more later..

What wait??? Is it really not that bad or I am just making an excuse for myself..

When were you when I needed you.

Words, where are you now when I needed you. This morning I had something in my mind that I really wanted to write about and to share it to you. But I have to work and plus I was late so i haven't got the time to write it down in a piece of papper. So right now I sat here for almost an hour, No words came and that thing in my mind just flew away and decided not to come back.

Blank. Period. Milkyway. Galaxy. Black hole.

Kindness..

The time of the year when our selfishness disappears. Everyone spends their time buying stuffs, spending a lot, and even hanging around at a crowded mall just to make someone happy. It's that time of the year when wishes usually come true. It's a loving holiday, Christmas. 

Last week, I went to the mall. And there was this Grandma, She is having a hard time buying some things because it was too crowded for her but she still struggles to complete the wishlist she was holding. I can tell the list was long. She stood beside me, she was so confused with all the mascaras in front of her. She was looking for a "Max Factor False Lash Effect Mascara" so the salesperson showed her where it is. Without hesitation (I mean without looking at the prize) she took it and marked the list with a check marked. 

"This year I am my Grandchild's Santa Claus"

Everything is going well.

Christmas is coming. But I honestly is still not in the christmassy feeling. I already bought some presents for my family and friends, I've redecorated my room, in a much more festive set but still not a glimpse of christmassy spark. Well maybe while I was fixing my room but after that hour it vanished into the thin air. Maybe it's because all I've done this week is to work. And it's my reason also by not posting for the past 5 days. I've been working so hard. I've been busy for the past 5 conseccutive days. Tomorrow is my last day of working for 5 days and then I will be having my 5 days break and then next week I will be working again for 5 days (whole day). Plus I will also be working in 24th of December. But it's not a biggy cause I will still be celebrating Christmas at home. Maybe you thought I am crazy by accepting that day to work. But I was just so curious how do they celebrate Christmas in a retirement house. Will their families get them so they can celebrate the holidays together? or they will just visit them in the morning to give presents?

I also wanted to celebrate my Christmas with them. I feel like they are already a part of my life, like my half family. Actually I am thinking of buying them some gifts but I don't know what to give them. I better think fast cause I just have five days of free time before I get busy again.

There are so many things to do. I am working. I am studying at the same time. Yes, I am studying. What I meant by that is that I am currently reading some stuffs to get my "Medicine License" and my "Driving License". So there are so many things to learn but there are just little time after work. I basically lay on my bed at the moment I always come home. And then I am out. But this day I got the chance to end pretty early!  But tomorrow is another day.

Oh better get going. I need to study :D

Learning to be.

I've always been the one who wants to talk.. I want to be the one who catch all the attention among my friends.. Yeah, sometimes that's me. I am not saying that I'm like that all the time. Or maybe my friends doesn't even notice me being so self-centered. Or maybe they just don't think I am that kind of person. Sometimes I just can hear myself taking to much. Talking about the most random things and not giving chance for my friend to talk about his/her opinion or story. "Friendly Conversations" are the one I mean. Or just a simple conversation with someone I am close with. That part of me usually comes out when we are only two talking with each other. I end up talking all day about myself, opening too much and not knowing anything about the person I am having conversation with. So bad.

I'm learning. Believe me. But this is hard. It's hard for me stop myself from talking too much. I started practicing being a listener not the talker. It's just hard to not to interupt them. In such a short time I learned so much, by just listening to people voices, listen to their opinions. It made a really big difference about how I look at them. Not in a bad way but instead in a good way. I learned who they are, as a person, as a friend, as a sister/brother, as a daugther/son, and even as a mother/father. I know listening to others opinions might be irritating specially when you have the opposite sight of it. You can't blame them, You can't blame anyone actually. You might meet a person who you think is close-minded, you can't just hate them by that. Experiences is the key. All of us had different experiences and has different point of view in this world. All you have to do is accept it. To respect others and learn from them instead of dissing.

Learn how to listen to others.

It's my daddy.

I just believe that it's my daddy. My biological father have past away long ago. He passed away when I was just still a baby, 2 years old. When I was still young, I always believed that my daddy was a butterfly. Honestly until now, I still believe that he is a buttefly. I don't knew why but i just believe that he is a butterfly. I grew up with my mom's cousin who just taught me that my daddy is a butterfly. Maybe she taught me that because she just don't want me to miss my dad or just to not forget about him. Which really worked.

I always believe that he is just beside me watching and guiding over me. When I feel like sinking in a very dark place because of my problems. I just talked to my daddy. You might find this really weird but he helped me a lot. In some way after talking with him, I can think clearly and gives me courage to keep going to make him proud of me. Proud of what I can do because of him. It's not that he answers me back when I talk to him. But just imagining that he is in front of me, imagining his face, remembering some of my memories with him can keep me from sinking.

At first I was thinking of having a butterfly tattoo since I believe that it's my daddy but an anchor is more appropriate because he is a seaman and he do what anchors do to a ship. It keeps it stable and grounded. He helps me to hold on no matter how hard an obstacle can be. To be strong and not to give up.

Don't be afraid.

This year had change me a alot, change me in different ways. In both good and bad ways. For the longest time, I've been that girl that never dreamt about something big. I was so scared to fail and always thought of that there are just things that impossible for me to do. It seems that IMPOSSIBLE was one of my most used words in the past.

To travel alone. I was so scared of traveling alone cause I am just afraid that I will get loss and will never be found. So childish huh?. Well that was me but i got the will to just leave that old me behind me. Last year, I flew in the Philippines alone which took a day and a half to get there. I was so nervous in the beginning but I survived and even enjoyed it. My main explanation is it just made me feel so free. I don't need to worry about anything else but just myself. ONLY ME MATTER!.

And then this year I got the chance to fly to Turkey for a week! Another barricade I knock over. I never thought of flying to another country other than ofcourse my homeland and Sweden. It was too impossible for me. I am very thnakful that I am surrounded with such positive people that gave me some courage to believe that I can do it. I even had some really horrible experiences before flying to Turkey. To cut the long story short, I had such hard time getting my visa to travel. In the end I got to travel because I believed.

After the obstacles I've passed, I bought a bracelet just to remind me of that day. To remind me that I can make things happen if I will just believe in myself. Unfortunately, I lost it while I was passing the security in the airport. And that was the time I decided that I really want to get a tattoo.

Don't be afraid to fly high. Dream big and just believe in yourself.

Talented.

Spirit of Chirstmas.

My first. My story.

I made an achievement. I got inked yesterday. And yes, I am counting it as an achievement cause basically I just achieve something I never thought I will. Why not? First of all, I never imagine myself being inked and having it inked in my skin for the rest of my life. I kinda regret on things so easily, so getting a tattoo was not even one of the things I wanted to do. Secondly, the pain. I am assuming that almost all of us have watched atleast once, some hilarious people reacting while getting inked. I always had those videos in my mind. I don't want to be sitting in there and then backing off in the middle of it cause I can't bare the pain. I thought that it's just too much for me. But I always respect those who really dares to get a tattoo. It's a whole life commitment. And let's face it tattoos are beautiful and even cool looking specially when the mean something really meaningfull for that person. It just made it much more cooler and special.

I got two tattoos. On my right and left inner wrist. Many might not like it or even hate it. Many might look it's stupid, ugly and meaningless.  But I don't care cause I am proud of them. Proud of myself. They are so important to me. And I don't regret anything. I don't regret the pain I felt. I don't regret the money I spent to have them. And most importantly I don't regret that it will be inked in my skin maybe for the rest of my life. I am proud of every inch of my tattoo.

 Stories behind them will be on the next post. 

Enough.

Understand your worth. Value your life. Appreciate your blessings.

Don't lose it.

You are my sunshine..

Let's stop this together.

http://jacksgap.com/melissa-bachman-hunter-backlash/

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-government-of-the-republic-of-south-africa-deny-future-entry-to-melissa-bachman

Make a difference.

Can you please just stop!!

Ok!! here is the deal. When you drink too much ( I mean alcoholic beverages) don't expect to be so lively like you were before you drunk so much. There is this word called HANGOVER. And that is what you will be facing first thing in the morning. There are some who don't get hangover the day after. Wonder why? Well the answer is so easy either they just don't get hangover or they do some tricks/methods/preparations to just don't get hangover afterwards. WATER! yes water can prevent hangover. Drink water before drinking alcohol, you can also drink water along with alcohol beverages and even before going to bed. I know it's kinda hard to keep track of drinking water but trust me it really helps.

Why am I talking about this?? I sat with this guy this morning and all he talked about is that he wasn't available last monday. His reason.. CAUSE I HAVE HANGOVER! Well it's your responsibility. You are a grown up man! So stop whinning that you got a severe headache the day after. Don't complain cause it's your own fault. If you don't want to feel like S*** afterwatds well don't drink then! You a big man now you must know your actions. And can you please stop blaming one of your friends/ drinking mates. "OHH it's not my fault cause my friends don't want me to go home so I was force to stay and drink a little more" COME ON! like really??? that's your reason?? sorry to say this but that's so childish of you.. Did your friends tied you up so that you can't go?? I guess not. As I said Your actions, Your choice, Your responsiblity.

Or just stop whinning about it.. Cause all I hear is you telling in details how you threw up and how you felt the day after. Act like a man! It's your actions.

OHH don't get me wrong here  now.. There is no wrong with drinking a lot and having fun. What I mean is stop whinning the day after. That's all...

Nothing is wrong with that..

Accepting some compliments can be overwhelming... Don't worry i get it. I do get overwhelmed too. Specially when you don't often receive compliments by the same people. You might feel that you don't deserve such compliments.. But trust me you deserve it cause that person will not say such beautiful words to you if they don't mean it. Saying compliments are not easy than it may sounds. Beleive it or nor but there are some who feels uncomfortable saying those words. It's not that they don't mean it but it's maybe more of like having hard time expressing it/saying it. It may take some courage to say it out loud. Trust me it does. To be honest I am one those who sometimes have hard time to say compliments. My explanation.. hmm well sometimes it's just too uncomfortable saying it out loud specially in front of that person, face to face.

I am that person who is afraid to gives out some compliments. Firstly, I don't know who to react afterwards. I just can't act normally. I feel so shy after. I don't know why. Secondly, I am afraid of giving compliments then receiving compliments too from that person. I just don't kow how to react when someone do that to you. Of course you will say thank you then what?? Will you just change the subject just to get that awkwardness in the air??

I am also that person who sometimes feels that I don't deserve such a beautiful compliments. Why? hmm. I just don't see/feel that I am that kind of person who have such qualities under my skin. But i guess sometimes we need to feel that someone appreciates us. And can see who truly the good side of us. You deserve a little bit of positivesness in your life my friend. So accept it. Feel good about yourself and remember not to put yourself to low from the others. You are unique in your own way. There is only one YOU in this world.

My role.

Big sister.. That's me. 

According to them..

I must know everything.

I need to always watch over my lil brother

I must be doing the right thing everytime. (No room for mistakes)

I need to guide my my lil brother.

I must do the right decisions.

I am the responsible. (Always)

It feels like being a big sis a really tough job. Well it is. But it can be fun too sometimes, believe it or not but yeah. Yesterday, I asked my lil brother about his plans for the future. I think you already know the answer. Well he said that he don't know. He have never planned it that far. Of course I was shocked cause he is in his last year of high school and will graduate in June. So yesterday, I encourage him to look after some course he is interested with. He found a lot that he wants. Like really a full list, which is really good cause that means he have a lot of choices to make he can register so he can just choose afterwards. I thought everything is doing well until we look for the requirements of every courses he wants. Everything went upside down.. There are some subjects he needs to have which he doesn't have.. And maybe it's too late to have this subjects in high school cause the school year is almost done. 

I can feel that he felt helpless, regretfull and hopeless but that's my role. To give advice, to give him hope, to push him to do it and to remind him that there are a lot of solutions. Make some solutions not always problems.

It was just like me before. I didn't even know what I want. It's a part of growing up. You just need to keep going. In the end you will find that one thing you want to achieve. And not later on you will have your goals. 

You maybe did the wrong decisions but it's ok, it's totally fine cause those will help you to be better, to develop your abilities. So don't be afraid of making mistakes. And don't regret them, they are there to give you a wake up call.

I'm thinking of not spoiling it.

I was thinking of posting some of my final decisions about my tattoo but i will let you wait until after i got it. Just not to give away too much.. Patience. I'm also running out of patience too... I just want it to be done. I'm so excited but at the same time I guess a little bit scared of the things that what might get wrong before, while and after getting a tattoo. I am dead serious of getting one but i am kinda nervous cause well obviously It's my first but I am some friends who already had some tattoos before so I will have someone to asked to. Which makes me not to panic too much. The after-care of your tattoo is the key of making your tattoo the way you want it to be. Another thing I am so curious is how much will it hurt? Having a tattoo hurts. I know that and i am preparing myself for that but I can't prepare enough if I don't have any idea how much will it hurt. I guess the best thing to do is just be ready for the pain. I've watched few videos on Youtube about some people getting their first tatoo. And all have very different level of pain. Some really scream to the toppest of thir lungs but some handle it with cool. It's litterally about how you copes with pain, with needles. And plus on where you decided to have your tattoo. Boney places in your body will hurt more.

Small things do matter.

You might already heard about the catastrophe that happen in the Philippines last week. How can such a disaster happen to a country like that. I was born and raised there. It's really hard to believe that something big and strong storm can hit a small land, with so much people already trying to survive in a daily basis. How can it be like this.. How can this happen... It feels so bad that I am not there to help them.. I know i can't make a big help but doing small things is enough than doing nothing at all.

 It feels so bad that I get a chance to sleep well tonight but some people don't even have a bed to sleep on tonight. It feels so bad that I know I am one of the guilty people who cause this kind of disaster. I know that i am a consumer. And we consumer do what we need to do.. We might not think of it all the time but have you ever thought of how the world change so much because of us. What's the cause of all of  this calamities that are happening around the world.

I remember it clearly when we have this paper. We need to write about "Global Warming". I chose to write about how Global Warming changed the whole world and even how can it changed our economy. In the beginning I was so intrested on things and I want to know everything. I honestly regretted it. Not that I regretted knowing all the bad things we human being have done but I was so hurt that it took me so long to finish writing it. I just didn't want to continue writing it. It honestly made me teary on the process of writing it. I have to read this terrible things that had happen around the world.

The country that stuck on me most was Bangladesh. There was some time in the past that it was almost under. The people had the only chance to plant some water crops which they can sell in a very cheap amount.

Poverty.Destruction.Losing.

sharing my joy.

Different.

What ever you do we will always have different opinions. Others might not accept your and vice versa but the only way not to fight over some stupids things is to show respect. There will always be arguements hanging in the air and that will never end. It is just how we are humans are. So just respect it.

You can't blame anyone by having a very differrent insight/ opinion on things. Our opinions are based on our past experiences and even on how we are as a person.

You might even argue with me with this post I posted but hey, this is my opinion so back off.

which is which.

ok now you need to help me to choose.. how shall i put it? which font?? any suggestions??

One week of friendship

Did you remember when I flew to Turkey? Well if you don't. It was last March when I got ta opportunity to travel. I got to flew in Turkey because of this project we have in school. The project basically is all about music. We stayed there for a week. And it was AWESOME! That is something that I will never forget. It's hard to list things why that trip was amazing but the most awesome thing fro me was making some new friends for a week.

Talking with them for a whole week, spending time with them almost whole day, doing so randomw things with them, just having fun with them. I miss the feeling of just knowing that when you wake up, you will be abe see them again and have the oppurtunity to get to know them much more better. It felt like knew them for a long time. I remember the first day we met each other. Everyone have this small group with their fellow student, but not later on all us where included in this big group. 

Yesterday, I met with a friend which I knew from the trip. I honestly was so surprise! It was a late night when I got his message in Facebook, if I can come to the city to meet him. Well ofcourse when you receive this kind of message you will not immediately believe in it. But it was true. He's here in Sweden! I met him yesterday. It felt so good to just talk again with him and with his friend. 

Check!

1. A tattoo
       Nov. 30 me and my brother will be having a tattoo!! Mine will probably will be like this:

 I'm still not sure about the specific details of it, like the size of it, if I will include the birds, which wrist shall I put the anchor and the word believe. One thing is for sure I want a anchor and the word believe. Some tips for the specific details??

2. New laptop

     A bought a new laptop for me cause right now the one i'm using suck so much that I want to throw it thru my window or just punch the monitor in the center! So to avoid being irritated with it I decided to buy a new one. A Acer Aspire V5 in silver.

3. Driving License

      It's time for me to kick in and study to have my own driving license because I really need it! There many things will be a lot easier for me to do when I already have a driving license. So today I bought the "Teoripaket" which means it's the Theory part of having a driving license. It's basically about the rules, signs and etc. in driving.

For a change

Having all the things you've been wanting for the longest time is finally coming true step by step. When you work hard there is something good coming after. Adter the hardship you've been there will always be a good side of everything you've worked for. That's what I've been saying to myself since I begun to work. A work which i didn't enjoy so much honestly in the begin but now I am actually enjoying myself now. And I am always grateful in every opportunity I get to work. This job I have right now really taught me so many things. One of them is how to treasure every time you get to wake up everyday. Be grateful for each day. It taught me how to care much more about my health. And many more things.


Since I begun working I felt more like a grown up. I can saw the difference with how I was for the past couple of years and right now. I am working for myself. For my own sake. And I am enjoying it. Maybe you may not know that this is the first time that i got to work this much and get paid for what I am good with.

Reality Check. What's happening to us. Humans.

Last week, I've been on a lecture about how do you react to conflicts and what do you usually do when you are facing one. I've learned that the most likely best way to solve is to think about how did the conflict started and from there find a way to sort things out by finding a solution that the both sides can agree with. Sounds easy? Well for me it's not that easy. When you are in an argument with someone who is the totally opposite of you. You don't have the time to think about how things started, and all you want is to let that person understand what you mean so he/she can join your side.

Egoistic.

That day we also had this gruop discussion about conflicts. And there's this question: What will you do when two of your workmates are in the middle of an arguement.

My answer: Don't get involed, As long as they are not affecting me. But when the work gets affected I will talk to the manager to sort things out.

In my head: It's their problem. Why should I get involved with it. I am not trying to be martyr and be the one to solve it. I just don't want to be in the middle of it. I might end up being bad. Or maybe instead of sorting things out I might end up also having arguement with the both of them and I want to avoid it. And plus it might affect my job.

After I spit out my answer, for a second there I was so shock about myself. Is that how I am right now? I am so egoistic. I was only thinking about the concequences the conflict can do for me. ONLY ME! or is it only me?

When you think about it. I might not only thinking about myself. What if I was thinking of like: I don't want to get involved and end up ruining my job too because I need the money for my "future family".

Does that still counts being Egoistic?

Just can't stand it

I feel so confused right now. What do you really want.. 

Am i just over thinking things and putting my own conclusion?

What do you really want! Is this still a part of the game? 

Quit messing around that much.

You might unintentionally get overboard.

And please stop showing some false intentions. 

I don't own a stone heart.

 I maybe am numb but I know how to love.

I know how to care

I know how to cherish someone special.

So quit messing around if you're doing it half hearted

Stop it now before things gets more complicated 

I am just a human being.

There is just that time when you will feel really bad about yourself. Like you hate yourself by being you. Why am I not like that, Why I can't do that, Why must I be like this?.. Don't get me wrong, I love myself (that sounded so "EGO"). I appreciate everything I have right now. but honestly speaking..I am not contented with myself, I do have so much flaws. Which they say that those flaws are the one who makes you who you are. But sometimes you just can't be happy about yourself. You will always find something you want to change.. Believe it or not I am currently on that stage.. I want to change and I am working on it, both physically and mentally. And it's really hard but I know it's possible.




Maybe what I just meant is I am currently is on the lowest point. (really a bad thing huh?) I don't have any confidence at all. And I just feel so alone.. Alone in my own world.. No one dares to come inside and join me just for a little while..

What do you really want..

Lesson of the month: Don't tease someone too much.. It can really cause trouble.

I never learned huh?? I know that I maybe got too far away and got overboard but honestly I didn't mean it.. Or should I say that I didn't notice that  WE are heading that way of the road. Now things are getting so complicated. And I don't know what to think about it or what to do about it.

I thought you are my teasing buddy.. We teased each other for the longest time that i get accustomed to it. My brain usually goes to auto-flight when it comes on teasing you.. I know it's bad but we just started it to long ago that it's hard to avoid it and tell to my brain to stop whatever it plans to do.. It becomes my habit. A really bad habit.

I guess it's just how the games goes.. Sooner or later someone will give up and take everything seriously. And in this game, It's you who lose.

Am I bad on doing this?? I feel so guilty..

been too much..

That's just who I am 

I finally completed all 5 books of "The Mortal Instruments".. And yeah I it's my new addiction.. Well it's not new that I am addicted to books but the "The Mortal Instruments" series is my THING right now. I am currently reading the third book, which is the City of Glass. The first two book went really fast.. I was done with the first two books in one week. But this third book it's going kinda going slow obviously because I don't have that much free time.

I also purchased another two books. They are in swedish. To tell you the truth they are the last in line of the books I am planning to read but they have such interesting story so I decided to buy them anyways. And I really need to read in Swedish to develop my Swedish language. 

And there goes the bag.. You might find it boring cause it's so plain. But i liked it cause it's so spacious and plus it's in sale in half prize 

Last but not at all the least are the accessories.. Well what to say about them.. I just think they are nice.

You just can't miss me huh?

2 days of sickness!! Grr!!  I just can't stand it anymore! My brother started it. First I thought that I am strong enough not to have a flu.. I was wrong.. 

look!

Try this one!! It's a personality test I got 47 :D

http://www.slideshare.net/VistaComm/dr-phil-test-1670404

Slowly but surely

Having a glimpse of my short future plans.. maybe for this coming 2 yrs. And as of now it's looking good. Everything is going as I expected it to be and I am very happy and satisfied of my situation now. It maybe have a slow progression but I am very contented of what I have and doing right now. My plans are coming true! Like having a driving license.

When you like something, you have to work hard to get it! Don't let others just give it to you easy. It feels much more deserving when you really worked hard to get what you want!

Keep it up

Being jealous is normal thing. Everyone gets jealous. Don't feel bad about it. It's just what we humans are made of full of emotions. Whether you like it or not it's just the way it is.. But jealousy can lead us to alot of different directions. It really depends on how you let jealousy leads the way you think. So be carefull. Don't let it drag you to things that will force you to destroy some things you really cherish like .. YOURSELF!

You just came at the right time

Look! LOOK!!! what I got! This really made my day! ;D 

TACK MIKAAA!!

Getting attached..

There is just one problem.. It's getting attached to someone you really need to avoid to be attached with.. It's not something that's really bad to be attached with but it's more of when you get too close there are a big chance that you will really get affected. I know it's the part of the possiblities I accepted but i never thought it will affect me this bad.. I thought I was ready to faced this but in the end IM NOT.. How shall I face the others without showing that I am affected... They all lived together and then one day one of them suddenly says goodbye... so sudden.. I may not have took good care of her that much but she was the one that made me really good at what i do.. She helped me so much and she was really kind to me.. she was patient with me specially when I was just starting learning things.. She let me to took good care of her.. And then now she just left.. I never have thought of this to happen this early...




I'll gonna miss you...

hope you don't get tired..

 

 

Gotta believe in yourself

Being in-love with someone is a risk but as they said you will never learn things when you don't take risks.

Fights between the two sides can never be avoided.. It's just how things goes. It's a way of knowing each other. Fighting is not a bad thing as long as you finish your day understanding each other. In a realtionship it's more of a give and take. It's not good if it's onle one is giving and the only one is just taking. Your must work with your relationship together cause if only one is showing his/her effort it might not end well cause in some point the one fighting for it will get tired and will just give up giving so much while not receiving anything from the other person. So you have to work together like a team. There maybe some times when things are just getting out of hand. You feel like giving up on the person you love.. Just think for a moment and think over things why you love that person. Don't decide on things while you are angry or sad or disappointed cause in the end you will regret what you have said or decided after the fight. For me the best thing is to cool things out. Shouting at each other will not solve the problem. You will not understand each other cause the only thing running in your mind is you want her/him to undestand your point but the other person wants the same thing.. You are just spitting out words the other person are not willing to listen.. So take a moment and take a breathe. Talk right after the both of you have calm down.

Little technique: I honestly don't know if this will work but i have read in some paper that when you are having a fight and no one wants to give a time for the other person to say his/her side. Do this: Get something that you can use it doesn't matter what thing is it. It will represent that when you are holding it you are the one who will talk and when you are done put it down and let your partner get it and let him/her talk. It's more of showing respect for each other.

This is the hardest part. Let's face the reality. Unfortunately, not all relationships work as you might want it to be. There are not always happily ever after. Sometimes you are just not match for each other or as other calls it "that you are not meant to be". It's just the way it is. Dont push it. If it's not working after all the possible things you have tried saving your realtionship with your partner then it's just the way it is. It may sound bias after I told you not to give up but sometimes you can't just prevent it after the hard work both sides have made.But don't lose hope beliee in yourself that someday there will be someone again who will dearly care for you and truly love you.

Moving on maybe is the hardest part after break- ups. I, myself have been on a break up. This is not to scare you anything but i will really hurt. You will feel so insecure and bad about yourself. You will feel that it maybe the end of it that no one will never love you again the way he/she loved you. It's not true! There will be some for surely who will love you. Your family loves you, your friends. It may not be the love you are searching but accpet the love they are offering to you cause I am sure it will help to earn again the confidence to face the world again. You are not alone. The key about moving on is time. Don't push yourself . When you feel like crying then cry. There is nothing wrong about crying. Feel sad cause it's better to let it all out than keeping it all by yourself. Don't make yourself suffer by not letting it go. Moving on may vary for all of us. It is depending on how you loved the person and how long have you been togehter. But the only thing you can do is let time past, be busy and don't let it consume all of you. You have to move one.

After a strong storm, there will always be a rainbow afterwards which will put hope and a smile on your face.

Did I really knew you?

How can you say that yo really knew your friend? I know that we've spent so much time together that it almost feels that I really knew you but did I really knew you? We grew together.. grew like full grown-ups.. It might not have been the longest time spending together but we made so much memories that I can say that I know my friend.. But right now.. I don't know if I am judging you or I just know you too well that I know your actions and the way you are thinking.. Even you are so far away.. I am afraid of what might happen to you..

Be careful my friend..

Brutal

Yestersday.. Was both a brutal and fun day! Brutal cause I had a time to practice how to drive.. Don't get me wrong practicing my driving skills is not brutal.. The brutal was my teacher, My father.. Yepp!! We trained on driving the car backwards in a very little way.. and when I mean little way is that when you reverse the wrong way the car will literally fell on the ditch/edge.. And it's not just a small ditch it was really big that when your car fell on it you need to have a bigger car to pull the car.. I was so scared that the car will fell.. My father was so brutal that he just sat beside me not even looking at the side mirrors if i am doing right.. When i was asking him if I was doing the right thing all he said was " I DON'T KNOW CAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE DRIVING" ... By the way it was my first time doing that I mean driving backwards and have to look at the side mirror to drive.. It was nerve-racking experince but the good thing is I am really learning :)

The fun part is that we have some quality time and I had a time to have some break from work cause I have been working too much that i was really tired.. So I was grateful for yesterday it was just the day I needed. My brother's friend Makky was there also and even my half-sister. So it was a perfect day-off.

That's the price you need to pay

Last past few weeks i was thinking if i did the right choice of not studying right after I grduated. Did I earned something from it or was it just a waste of time. Right after I graduated I was really damn sure that I wanted to have a break from school, A break from all the pressure the school have gave me from the past years. I was having second thoughts about whether I can handle the University or not. This may shows that I was playing the safe part of it but I decided not to go on something I am having second thoughts with. This is something I really need to think over... I thought so.. Maybe I was thinking about things for far too long..

It may sound that I was not sure about what path I suppose to choose but believe it or not I am sure of what I want to do or what work I might have after the University.. The only thing I was not sure of is how will I survive in a another city with my own apartment.. having to pay and to handle my own needs without having saved money on my pocket. I know I can borrow some money but I wanted to avoid borrowing or atleast borrow small as possible. I don't want to have a really big debt after I gradated when I am not sure whether I will have a job to pay it.

So here I am working part time job and searching for more job to save money! To afford to transfer from another city and possibly get a driving license before transferring! I will not deny that I really miss going back to school cause I really enjoy going back to school even there are times I just wanted to run away from it. Those parts are just parts of the school where you can't avoid. But I am also grateful that I kinda made the right decision cause right now I have time to secure all the things I was having thoughts about. But at the same time I feel really jealous when I see my friends who transfered into another city and having a great time.

What I tell to myself?? Well my time will come.. It will come.. I just need to work right now to reached what i want.

sharing your passion

Sharing... It's more of giving love and care with the one you are sharing with. Playing volleyball is one of my passion. It might sound cheesy but it is honestly one of my passion. I love playing it even though i might not be a really professional player. I can say i can play volleyball but i am not good at it. But it's my passion. Everytime i play it gives joy to me. And playing it with my friends is like sharing the joy you are feeling with them. It doesn't matter whether you win or not as long as you are enjoying yourself. That can be enough.

Freaking out

As I said in my earlier post me and Mikaela watch this movie. Before the movie I was already very excited to watch it. I know that this movie is based on a very famous book so thats why i was really pumped to watched it. While I was watching it I was litterally freaking out. It was so good that i want to jump and scream but ofcourse i didn't do it cause we are in the cinema. I didn't want it to end! Right after the movie I already want the second part and the third and so on.. Actually I want to watch it again and again! I was so obssess with it so after watching the movie i decided to get the books too. I ordered the first 3 books of the series. All i have to do now is to wait for them to come on my front door so i can start reading it! If you haven't seen it GO NOW!! It really is worth it!

Precious

Today both of my closest friends are going to transfer to a very different direction. Mikaela will be transferring to Umeå (north of Sundsvall) while Albina will be transferring to Stockholm (south of Sundsvall).. I will seriously miss them both! But luckily there is they called "INTERNET". This past weeks and days I was kinda busy because of work and spending time with friends. Day before yesterday I was spending time with Mikaela. We went to the City to look around and then later that day we watched the movie "Mortal Instruments: City of Bones". All I can say about that movie is that you better watched it beacause every penny was so worth it. I will talked about it more on a another post ;D

Yesterday, I was also with Albina in her house. We had some quality time talking about so many things.. Like memories when we first met 4 years ago. I was even surprise when she had this conversation we had in papper. In that papper we started knowing each other. It was so weird cause firstly I don't een remember we had that time that we can't talked with easch other so we wrote instead on a papper. Secondly, It was really weird seeing how we were 4 years ago. After seeing that conversation memories just came back. We really had some funny, crazy and weird memories we shared in 4 years.

Don't expect it

The world is spinning so don't expect things to stay the same

Possibly new look??

I need it too..

Why am I the only one who can't be angry?? Why am I the only one who always stops the angriness? Don't i have the right to be angry? just sometimes.. please let me be angry cause everytime I want to be angry i ended up being the peace maker and keeping my angriness inside until i burst out in tears.. Did you know that sometimes i also wanted to shout.. I wanted to shout but guess what i am the one stoping everyone from shouting.. And by doing my job i can't shout cause me shouting at them will just cause more problems and the problem will never be solved.. Sometimes i just need to shout and be angry cause it's hard to keep everything inside and wait until i burst out of tears... I want to hear my voice shouting and angry..

You may not believe this but I can't remember the last time i shouted because i was angry..

Thumbs Up

 

“You should always be taking pictures, if not with a camera then with your mind. Memories you capture on purpose are always more vivid than the ones you pick up by accident.”  -Isaac Marion

 

“Most people don't believe something can happen until it already has. That's not stupidity or weakness, that's just human nature.” -Max Brooks 

 

And the evidence came..

This morning when I was trying to organise some of my stuffs mainly my accessories. I found a very precious, funny, cheap necklace.

Yeah what you are looking right now is a BLINGY!.. Well first I got it when I was still 16 years old. And yes I was still in the Philippines that time. I remember it was some time in Decemeber I bought it. And I can remember it very clear that I was choosing between this one and another necklace but the only difference was the other had a letter R as it's pendant but in the end I chose this one cause obviously my name's meaning is Queen and Queen's have their very fancy crowns. That time in the Philippines those necklaces are the thing! I mean like they are must have jewelry in your collection..

Believe it or not i only wore this necklace one time.. and that time was when we had a christmas party in school. Here is the reason why this necklace became precious to me that time.. My crush that time wore it!! hahahaha After he wore it i don't let anyone borrow it to wear it.. So the last time who wore it was him my high school crush "B". Let's call him B cause his name starts with it. LOL!

I don't know if there will be a time where i will wear it again in some occations but who knows.. It's just funny how i was for just 4 years ago..

Once you started it

And I'm guilty

Yesterday i was in WONDERLAND

The most fun about Sundsvall in summer I should say is the "Gatufest" which I think means Street Party in English but it's kinda of a festival too cause it always happens in Summer.. Yesterday was the opening of the festival so me, my brother and Mikaela went there and as expected we had fun even though it was very excausting.. When we arrived in the place the first thin that caught my eyes was a bad boy ride!! which looks like this..

As a typical me i got really curious how we can ride it so we come closer and found out that as the picture shows it you will just sit in there and let the ride throw you round and round.. Soon as i saw how it works my Adrenaline just reached it's highest point that i was really willing to ride it.. Ofcourse i got also scared cause you will never know what will happen and plus it will be my first time to ride a really scary one.. but i really want it bad!! so tomorrow me and my brother will be going again to the city and ride this BAD BOY!! I am really looking forward!! I can't honestly wait for it to come!! my adrenaline rush will just shut down..

 

Plan: I am actually planning to have a camera with me or in my case my phone to record how the ride will look like while me riding it but i am not really sure how will that worked out cause obviously i don't want to drop my phone.. so i can't promise you if i will do it

 

 

 

On the other side we really had fun yesterday there also have been artists who sang a couple of songs and also a couple of really famous artist here in Sweden like Petter..

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was the scene when we were waiting for the buss..

 

 



Coming up

Today is again one of my lazy days.. It's kinda cold outside for a summer day so what should i do? Well that to update you guys :) Don't worry I will post them all today..

why so sudden

I know that you atleast once have been in a scenario where you felt that you saw a person from a distance or just in a glimpse and then felt that you met him/her sometime before or you really know them but just not sure if it's really them.. Well I saw this guy today and thought that he really looked like the guy whom i had crush for a really long time ago.. Let's call him M.. Maybe you heard about him in the beginning of my blogg but yeah i had a crush on him when we were newly transfered here in Sweden.. I met him in the buss. Well he goes in the same school as me but i don't get to see him that often in school. The only time I see him is in the morning when riding the buss on the way to school.. But not everyday either cause he also drives a car.. So yeah.. What i want to say is that since i am not sure if that was really him i was really curious if i he was really M and if i said hi and asked if he still remember me.. Will it made a difference? Now i can think of what if i reacted in a different way...

whoop whoop!

New purchased! ;D

Dreams do come true! You just have to make sure to make it come true

I found it! And the only thing i can do is to make it happen! So I will be giving my best shot on this!

The forbidden love

Where does love have it's boundaries?? or are there even some boundaries?? Honestly i don't know.. i am kinda confused actually.. I have this freind of mine who have this forbidden love.. well they call it forbidden love because it's a taboo. I know my friend is happy even though their love is a taboo. One day this friend of mine opened up to me.. he just opened up to me i was kinsa shocked but i was very happy that he opened up to me cause that means he trusts me. But anyways he told mme that he loves someone but it's taboo. For me i never considered that their love was a taboo but maybe for the eyes of the others it's bad. My friend told me that they are already together even if there maybe are a lot who is against it. But honestly i was thinking who cares.. Unfortunately there are still some who really cares about other people bussiness. Their relationship was a secret which is unfortunate. I can see that my friend is currently happy and i am honestly very happy for him cause he finally found himself where he can be himself. That's good right..

Even my friends parents don't know about their relationship because my friend knows that they will be against it. Which I kinda both understand  it and don't it. I understand that they want the best for their son. They want a normal life for him. But does having a normal life will makes him happy? Can they gurantee that their son will be happy? Shall we listen to "MOM always knows best"? I know that there are some circumtances that they really know the best for us cause they've been there.. but that doesn't mean either that they will be the one who always will be deciding for you. Sometimes you just need to take risk for your own good. It's your own life. You will be the one living it not them.

My friend asked me for some advice. And this is only advice i gave: "As long as you are happy and sure with your decision then go for it. Fight for it cause we never know it might work out and your parents might accept that it's ok. As long as you feel loved and happy my friend. Just be strong because every decision you make have consequences.. whether it will be good or not you have to stand proud you are the one drawing your own life not someone else."

I might have said the wrong things to my friend but that is point of view and I might see this subject in a very small perspective but I really think that some forbidden loves called taboo just because of how the society sees it.

I owe it all to you

so as you can see i updated again my blogg with new design and even a new header name.. well the Tadan! name was not really the permanent name of the blogg even though it's been there for really a long time.. So now i named my blogg to Diagnosed with L.O.V.E.. well i named it like that cause i saw this one song of Chris Brown and the title was Diagnosed with L.O.V.E so i thought that it is really nice phrase so i just decided to used it here in my blogg..

to those who are curious of the song here is it ;)

 

 

whoop whoop!

it's time for a change ;D i mean design change xD

my dear ones..

I am so lucky to have friends around me.. I just feel so blessed right now..